Black holes and dark matter.

I think it's time to comment on some of my crazy dreams I have because lately they have become more and more bizarre, but more and more alike. Last night I had a dream I was talking to Rory, but he was mostly just talking and I was listening, with tears running down my face. Yet, in my dream I wasn't sad, in fact I wasn't really anything, I was just trying to figure out what it was he was saying. I then noticed in the dream he was peeling through an onion, so I figured I was teary eyed because of the onion. He kept asking me why I was upset and I kept insisting I was fine if only he'd stop peeling the onion. Then he looked up and I realized he had no eyes and he asked "what onion"? and I woke up.

A week or two ago I watched in my dream my 6 year old self beat up essentially her twin while I fought what seemed to be my twin. As we kicked and swung at eachother, in my old Abington apartment from when I was very little, she stopped and asked what waswrong with my eyes. It was then that I realized both me and one of the 6 yr old versions of me had no eyes...just black holes.

I asked my mom what she thought and she suggested maybe I fear people not seeing me for who I really am, or a sense of not being able to see things for myself. I don't like to think of these dreams as a manifestation of any type of fear though, because I know I have nothing to fear in my life. Unfortunately though I am feeling rather under accomplished and find myself struggling to stay positive. Who am I kidding, I feel utterly clueless. I just feel aimless and circling. I KNOW life is a "circle" but I HATE thinking of it like that, I want to march forward, straight line going straight up. Circles just make me dizzy.

Someone in math told me today that there are two types of people in the world. One type will stand on the edge of the Grand Canyon and gasp at the splendor that nature created and see only beauty and magic. The other will throw a few rocks down and say "it's a big hole".

I hope something strikes me when I see it.