Sunday, April 11, 2010

Not for me anymore.

I can't even begin to express the way that I feel about last night. A mix of hurt, anger, and frustration comes to mind at first, but then in the same wave a mix of relief and comfort in the next. When did I become so sensitive?

To see familiar faces all so different and exactly the same in the same breath was jarring and difficult to take in. Maybe because I feel so different, but am stuck in the same spot. I don't know I guess everything about last night broke my heart in all different kinds of ways. I can't even write what I want to say, even here I can't even express my thoughts because I want them so bad not to be true. But they're there and I hate it. And I know what I need to do for me even though it doesn't seem rational or logical. But I'm impulsive and bizarre, and I base my decisions off of feelings.

And my feelings say, pack up it's time to go.

I'm giving myself at most nine months, never again will I have a New England winter.