Not sure, but I can't sleep again.

It's nothing but a party

Drunk and messy

slobs and fools

lust and rage

fast and blurry

nothing lasts

everything in a moment

because forever is a mirage

a blue lake in Death Valley.

It's easy for some

impossible for many

and the rest sit by and watch

the mindless audience to a

blockbuster film

Have you seen it?

Four stars.

I'm an insomnia-ridden confused overworked lost individual. I find solace in the quiet and relish in an empty room, in my heavy thoughts.

I miss random adventures, talks of a future, assuming the best, and feeling irreplaceable.

When disposable is a common word in your vocabulary CHANGE YOUR SHIT AROUND.

Everything in life should be precious.

Currently.

Goals:

- Save money.

-Find a promising college tailored to my interests.

-move out within a year...AT MOST.

-build credit.

-be published by 30.

-travel for volunteer work.

-Visit Russia

-Accept love.

-Get a Rhodesian Ridgeback.

-do a fitness show.

Most of these are short term. So many share their goals with me and I scared myself because I never share mine. I panicked and thought I didn't have any. But I do, they're stored away in the files of my brain. My silence with them proves to me how much they mean, I keep them to myself so they wont be jinxed. Superstitions.

I also need some clarity with things. I think I'm getting ahead of myself though. I need to find out where I stand before I ask for the opinions of others.

I want my apartment/condo/ whatever I can afford to be kitchy and quaint and full of character and charm. It needs to be a home, not just a place to sleep. That's what I want, my own home.