Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Not sure, but I can't sleep again.

It's nothing but a party
Drunk and messy
slobs and fools
lust and rage
fast and blurry
nothing lasts
everything in a moment
because forever is a mirage
a blue lake in Death Valley.
It's easy for some
impossible for many
and the rest sit by and watch
the mindless audience to a
blockbuster film
Have you seen it?
Four stars.

I'm an insomnia-ridden confused overworked lost individual. I find solace in the quiet and relish in an empty room, in my heavy thoughts.

I miss random adventures, talks of a future, assuming the best, and feeling irreplaceable.
When disposable is a common word in your vocabulary CHANGE YOUR SHIT AROUND.
Everything in life should be precious.

Sunday, August 8, 2010



- Save money.
-Find a promising college tailored to my interests.
-move out within a year...AT MOST.
-build credit.
-be published by 30.
-travel for volunteer work.
-Visit Russia
-Accept love.
-Get a Rhodesian Ridgeback.
-do a fitness show.

Most of these are short term. So many share their goals with me and I scared myself because I never share mine. I panicked and thought I didn't have any. But I do, they're stored away in the files of my brain. My silence with them proves to me how much they mean, I keep them to myself so they wont be jinxed. Superstitions.

I also need some clarity with things. I think I'm getting ahead of myself though. I need to find out where I stand before I ask for the opinions of others.

I want my apartment/condo/ whatever I can afford to be kitchy and quaint and full of character and charm. It needs to be a home, not just a place to sleep. That's what I want, my own home.