Thursday, August 20, 2009

Dullest Day EVER.

I want my own little place so bad!

I feel as if everyone moved out of their parents' homes this year and into their own apartments. Everyone is talking about packing up and leaving and I come home from work and survey my cluttered room with the dusty beanie babies on the stereo and bamboo pictures on the wall. It seemed so small and confined and not comfortable. It wasn't decorated or laid out in a way that appeals to me anymore. Too much clutter. Too much STUFF! I feel like I need to pack it all up and go elsewhere to reorganize all my little trinkets correctly, and throw out the things I no longer need. I try and do it now, clean out my room, but no matter what I do more things pop out and it always feels cluttered and full.

Mom says that to get an apt. now is silly. I should save all I can and buy a house young to build equity. But I cant imagine living at home for another what...5 to 6 years? I want to come home to a place thats me, with carpets and worn furniture and an old T.V. set and some nice pictures on the wall and wallpaper and someday a dog. And pretty curtains. I don't even know if I could live with someone. Sometimes I really want to, and realistically, I'd probably have to since I can't afford it alone, but I'm awfully picky with that. Hence dorm living never being an option.

I really go back and forth on this alot. Sometimes I'm content to just live at home especially no where I can come and go pretty much as I please, but sometimes that makes me feel stuck and holds me back from progressing. I don't know we will see.

I'm bored and honestly started this post for that reason alone. I just got home from work and after standing mindlessly in front of an open fridge for a good 7 minutes I decided to mindlessly sit in front of a computer for a good 40 minutes...

I made decent money at work today but I feel like everyone has been in a sour mood and no one has wanted to talk. Maybe it's just me. Midweek hangovers aren't something I intend on having again anytime soon. I wish I had someone to call just to chat with without feeling like I'd be pestering.

Alright this is lame, I'm going to go watch food network and talk to Moepup, even though he hates being bugged at night.

Pleasant dreams, I hope.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

It's the kaleidoscope in
treetops and sun.
When fingertips are cool and soft
And the sun is a blood orange,
juicy and fresh.

Life is laid out like a treasure chest.
And forever is something you exhale
on the back of a neck,
feeling it heavy like Bayou heat.
A scene you imagine God painting Himself
with an ancient brush of
sage bristles and a wooden oak handle.

Inhale panoramic views
white with glare.

Hold. Your. Breath.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Here, Boy.

I saw it.

White and hot.

Like the western sun
reflecting off the aluminum diner,

and an open sky, color matching chipping paint.
With rusty bumpers
and a panting passenger,

wide-eyed and tongue lolling.

Dusty parking lots fade and my roaring engine

sounds like a thousand broncos across desert sands.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Let's chat.

I was noticing today how much communication and polite interactions between people have deteriorated. A man came into my line and I greeted him with a smile saying " hi sir how are you?" and his response was " large, dark and icy."...oh ok is that your coffee order or your demeanor? My next customer was no better, particularly demanding and in a rush because his 5 year old was being a bit of a disruption. Not only that but he was snappy at his kid, and the boy reacted the way any kid would, he whined and continued his behavior. The man wouldn't even slow down and chill out long enough to realize that his son was being a brat because he wanted the right kind of attention.

And dont even get me started on the cell phones today.

Every other customer it seemed was yammering away on cell phone, interjecting their orders between breaths and sentences then apologizing to the people they are talking to for "being interrupted"...terrible.

Even in the workplace, essential information that needs to be conveyed personally to be effective is reduced to being written in bubble letters on hot pink paper and taped on a supply closet door. Great management.

These past few days I have been pretty much without a cell phone, which I thought would be devastating and a huge inconvenience. But to be honest, it is kind of nice. I feel myself being less stressed, not worrying where it is, if I missed a call, or if my inbox is full. I was thinking about just getting rid of a cell phone all together, saving $30 a month and leaving it at that. Cell phones really are just another technological advancement that I feel we probably could have done without. Everyone says " I can't imagine not having my iphone/blackberry/laptop/bluetooth/etc.etc." Really? I can. I can imagine a payphone on street corners. I can imagine using landlines just fine, or walking down the block to a neighbors to ask for something rather than sitting on your ass and sending a text or email. I can imagine a world where people waved hello to others in a small town or stopped to chat on a morning jog or a walk with the dog. Am I a utopian dreamer? I wouldn't say so, I can just recall how the world once worked. Now everyone is plugged in, and tuned out. I literally watched a couple walk their 2 dogs the other day side by side... each with their own set of white headphones snaking up from their ipod arm bands. It repulsed me. Even at the gym everyone is plugged in. I can understand the desire for wanting to tune out there, but I'm still in shock at how the instant people see others using mobile technology they know not to approach. It's like mosquitos and repellent. And so many people use it as just that, to deter others from talking to them! What's so bad about talking to other people? That's how you learn things, get different perspectives or atleast a good laugh. It's how you reconnect and revisit things, or discuss issues and ideas. It's how our ancestors figured out how to build things, discover things, trade things, make things, by communicating and working together. Now it feels like we are all working seperately. Don't get me wrong, I am ALL for independent work and living, but when do we draw a line?

I feel social networking through a computer is replacing interactions we could be having on a daily basis. Some may argue that things such as facebook or other social sites will essentially bring the world closer, working with people we never would be able to work with if we didn't have this technology. Yes, that is a valid point. However, I also can see these things taking away from everyday social interactions people could have face to face, be it with neighbors or family or old friends. It takes us out of where we are and brings us to someplace else, which is fine but so many forget about where they come from or how to behave, simple manners, or the people you see everyday. For a long time I thought the same way, that you needed to get so far away to find answers or see things in a different light. But by taking things slowly and listening to others, really paying attention, you can find a surprising amount right here.

So when my next customer hung up her phone when she placed her coffee order, I thanked her.

Lady- "Oh honey, you shouldn't thank me, that's what everyone should do automatically."

Me- "I agree, but you would be surprised at the amount who continue to talk and order at the same time!"

Lady- "That's so rude. Personal interaction should never be made impersonal."

Me-"Wow. Well put."

Thursday, August 6, 2009


i watch it spill.

it is slow and sweet.

breathing in then gushes ,

clinks and drops and bubbles
giggling and glances and sighs

more to be said with a bottle
under the uncaged sky.

stars so low you could catch them

witha minnow net like fireflies.
show me this new kind of reaction
and i promise an open mind.

clear and sparkling and smooth
rich and spicy and tart.
your thoughts and plans are hinting
what i didnt expect at the start.

The taste that lingers makes my lips smack.
its new and unsteady and strange
like land legs on a fishing boat
it leaves my chest full and constrained.

Robust flavors and undertones
of comforts, expectations and dreams
release the neck and pass the bottle
murmuring about things to be seen.

It's all new to me.