Postcard Perfect

I think I need to get motivated.

I drove through the beautiful backroads of Duxbury, Scituate, Hingham, Pembroke and other towns this morning in the pouring gray rain. But even still I found the little fences and colonial fields and brilliant foliage to stand out and charm me. I fell in love with the ease of the drive, the quiet of the dawn and the need for me to find happiness in all the things I once loved and still do. I want to be everything I am and nothing I'm not. I was told today by a dear friend that this is a very weird time in everyone's life, so I don't feel so alone and marooned with all the questions I have and the overwhelming sensations I sometimes feel. Mostly it is with the future, but I know if I work to stay motivated and clear minded then things naturally fall into place. I just know that when I look back on my life, I want it to show progression and a steady incline, with very little plateaus or drop offs.

As much as I am romanticized by New England scenery, I can feel stagnation setting in again. I think I am turning more and more into a little old lady at heart, when the cold weather sneaks in, I want to sneak out and be warm and keep up my productivity and happiness in a warmer climate. I searched for housing and education in the Southwest today. I was nervous doing so,but I really would like a change, even for only a year. So many others have changed their worlds in one solitary year, I would like to as well. Sometimes the best part of a story is the setting.

I'm on a quest to find what makes me happy all the time. I know constant happiness is a stretch and everyone has their off days, but I'd like to feel a sense of completion somewhere. No more loose ends or "unfinished business". I never want to question emptiness in my life ever again, and I never want to compromise who I am, which I felt I might have done lately. No guilt, no regret, no wondering, and no repressed feelings. Everyone be honest with everyone else, myself included.

I think I'll take up cooking, painting, and more reading. I find them to be the most therapeutic lately. I made a lovely soup the other day with all sorts of vegetables and beans and great spices, I was really impressed! I also finished it off by baking some delicious peanut butter cookies with a plum sweet all on a rainy afternoon, and I truly enjoyed myself. I need to work on baking some things from scratch, I used to do that often, but have fallen out of the habit. Time management is also something I'll work on developing.

Toodles.

P.S. I looked at teachoverseas again... Russia still has my heart!